MILLENIAL HANGOUT FAILS TO PLEASE

So at Carfax, right in the middle of Oxford, there was this cafe. Looked like a cracker, French cakes and all, splattered with donly types looking academic and the waitress (pardon me, waitperson) was talking about all the essays she had to write.

 So all we wanted was a cup of tea and a cake. What we got was a pot of English Breakfast tea (I hate all those teas), and a jug of pale water – ‘see-through milk’. I took the water back and asked a waiter (sorry waitperson) if I could have something which was actual milk, and full cream no less.

 He looked at me as if he’d found me on the bottom of his shoe, saying ‘We don’t have that sir, what we have is light milk, fat free milk, almond milk, goat milk, soy milk, tofu milk, wilted lettuce milk, aioli milk, meditation milk, sugar free milk ….” and every other bloody liquid that isn’t milk at all but millenials think it is.

 Ptui.

 Avoid, Waterstones was a heavenly experience by contrast.

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