There’s a species of algae called ‘didymo’ – or more picturesquely ‘rock snot’ -which is invading NZ rivers and lakes.  It attaches itself to rocks in a jelly-like mass, then forms long white paper-like tails.

There is a species of toilet paper which is a far greater menace, and has already invaded many toilet facilities in South Island in both private and government establishments.  It clings to the walls and also forms long white paper-like tails.

In both cases the result of an infestation is a dirty bottom.

This stuff is so thin that you can imagine Ernest Rutherford, who lived near Picton, having the idea it could be useful to elucidate the structure of matter.  “Just pop down to that awful toilet on the docks, old chap, and get me a few sheets of the paper” he’d say to his assistant. “But sir,” the assistant would day “it’s made of so few strands of lignin that the atoms are too far apart.  Helium nuclei will go straight through like, er, everything else”.  “Hmm, maybe you’re right” says Ernest, “perhaps I’ll use gold foil.  At least the atoms are heavy, got a bit of substance to them”.

And that, ladles and jellyspoons, is how great discoveries are made.